Make Me Laugh

Cosmo (sung by Donald O'Connor):

Though the world is so full of a number things,
I know we should all be as happy as
But are we?
No, definitely no, positively no.
Decidedly no. Mm mm.
Short people have long faces and
Long people have short faces.
Big people have little humor
And little people have no humor at all!
And in the words of that immortal buddy
Samuel J. Snodgrass, as he was about to be lead
To the guillotine:
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
(Ha ha!)
My dad said "Be an actor, my son
But be a comical one
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines"
Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite
And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat
Just slip on a banana peel
The world's at your feet
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em...
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh
My grandpa said go out and tell 'em a joke
But give it plenty of hoke
Make 'em roar
Make 'em scream
Take a fall
Run a wall
Split a seam
You start off by pretending
You're a dancer with grace
You wiggle till they're
Giggling all over the place
And then you get a great big custard pie in the face
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know... all the... wants...
My dad...
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!

"Make 'Em Laugh" ~ Singin' in the Rain (1952)
https://youtu.be/SND3v0i9uhE

Actually a quote from baseball great, Yogi Berra, I believe, :

“When you come to a fork in the road….take it.”

Rodney Dangerfield – I get no respect:

I was 8 years old – on my first airline flight with my parents.

We were traveling over the ocean.

My mother put my hat on and said “Go outside and play”

Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?
It's making headlines.

What's the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

Ripping this off from an Instagram Reel.

My wife asked me, "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
I told her, "No, I never knew he could."

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens...

I bought art on fine art america :)

Bread to the dough;

Don’t mind the baker. He’s just trying to get a rise out of you.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope

ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.

ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

Dog owner: "The neighbors tell me you've been chasing people on bicycles!"

Dog: "They're lying, I don't even have a bicycle!"

Maybe an image can make you laugh - as this horse was laughing at me for taking his picture. :)

Spelling is hard... a couple of letters get messed up and your whole sentence is urined....

I'm thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it's only holding me back.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day , but I couldn't find any.

I got a booster shot recently because the doctor told me my laugh was contagious.

Hee Haw!

Why do doctors whack newborns on the bottom?

To knock the weenies off the smart ones! 0:)

Firstly, thank you all for making me smile this evening!

I must admit I do also like the occasional geek joke. Such as...

- There are 10 types of people in this world,
- Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

That joke’s a “10”!

Why don't they play poker in the jungle??

There are too many cheetahs.

Richard, please brush your horses teeth.
I have a toilet brush I can loan you.

Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.

A photographer was setting up for a large group picture when all of a sudden a large chunk of cheddar smacked him right in the forehead.

In the group’s defense, they did try to warn him.

I tried playing hide and seek in the hospital, but they kept finding me in the ICU.

I decided to take up archery, but it’s really hard to draw the bow the way the instructor says to.

From now on, I’ll be bringing my sketchbook with me.

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster.

So now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

1. Scooby

2. Yabba Dabba

My two Doo list.


LOL Andrea! :-)

I've just had a quick pee in the deep end of the baths The lifeguard blew his whistle at me and I nearly went and fell in.

That's me, Andrea, lol

Hypnotist;
Look into my eyes. You are getting sleepy. Your eyes are feeling heavier and heavier, you cannot keep them open.

When I snap my fingers, you will awaken, and, drawing on all your training and years of experience in your profession, will do as I bid, cheerfully, and in a timely manner…

One.. two…



Bartender;
Just tell me what you want.

*knock-knock*

Why didn’t you use the doorbell?

.. Because this is a knock-knock joke!

Who is this guy called Pete?

And why do we do things for his sake?

I just found out I'm phobiaphobic.

That really scares me.

What's small, red, and raspy?

A hoarse radish.

I was driving along, when I was stopped by some guy in a booth wanting money. He said that’s how it works.

So I was tolld.

I gave the local diner a bad review.

I ordered silver dollar pancakes but they weren’t really silver.

What do you call a carnivorous weatherman?

A meat-eaterologist.

Waitress:
Sir, your tie is in your soup.

Diner:
So?

Waitress:
It clashes.

Why are pediatricians so irritable all the time?

Because they have very little patients.

Diner:
I’ll have the alphabet soup please.

Waitress:
That’s not much of a meal.
Do you want anything else with it?

Diner:
No, just the soup.

Waitress :
How about a burger or BLT?

Diner:
No, Just the alphabet soup.

Waitress:
How about a tuna-melt?

Diner:
Just the alphabet soup.

Do I have to spell it out for you?

I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes, and he gave me a 5% raise.

Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, "By the way, which companies are after you?"
I responded, "The gas, electric, and cable company."

Ding Dong.

Knock Knock.

Who's on first ?

Ding Dong.

Knock Knock.

Who's there ?

Hey, you're the one that rang the doorbell !

The fear of long words is called Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.

My buddy just got a job in marketing with Kellogg's cereals.

His job is focused solely on Raisin Bran awareness.

It's finally socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Last week I went to see a movie, but not twenty minutes in I was asked to leave for falling asleep.

It was an action movie.

I’m planning to start a jewelry business.

If you want to help, give me a ring.

My wife just opened my car door for me.

It would have been a nice gesture had she not been going 70 mph.